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Joke of the Day

"The doctor said I had, at best, a year to live... So I shot him. The judge gave me 30."

"Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat."

"Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Cause the it would be a foot!"

"My father grounded me... He said if he ever saw me in front of the computer he'd smash my face in the keybouvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemubwem Ossass"

"A cowboy is buying condoms. ""Give me 3 packets of condoms, please"" he says. ""Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"" asks the cashier. ""Nah, she's purty good-lookin ..."""

"Studies show that people who start a sentence with ""studies show..."" have no clue what they're talking about"

"I live off my music and the pain it inflicts on others."

"You're so fat, you could sell shade."

"What's difference between good weed and good pussy? You can smell the weed from across the room."

"I didn't think that pigs could fly... But then I found out that Donald Trump had a private jet."