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Joke of the Day

"What's the Pope's least favorite human bone? The blasphemur."

"Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."

"An Irish guy walks out of a bar... And that is the joke"

"I met my girlfriend on 11/1/14... But it's now 12/31/15. She's destroyed my KDA this game."

"Sorry Siri, talking to machines is not for me. I still get tongue-tied at the drive-through."

"I used to own a shop which sold 'Closed' signs... It didn't do very well. I had them all up in the window, but no-one ever came in."

"What does D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexic Association."

"Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find? Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes."

"Aliens are taking people with . . . . . . .Big Dicks! Dont worry you are safe! Im just telling my favourite alternative news site that i wont be around for a while!"

"How does a SQL expert get a date? getDate() ^(I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)"