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Joke of the Day

"Aliens are taking people with . . . . . . .Big Dicks! Dont worry you are safe! Im just telling my favourite alternative news site that i wont be around for a while!"

"Saw a cute girl at work today. I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left."

"One ovary was talking to another ovary.... Left Ovary: ""Better watch out!"" Right Ovary: ""Why?"" Left Ovary: ""There's two nuts out there trying to cram an organ in here."""

"Feminists are like Mr. Bean They do stupid stuff and everybody laughs at them!"

"Have you ever wondered why Severus Snape taught Potions and not Herbology? It's because his Lily died."

"My wife is like a drug to me She ruined my life."

"My best friend thinks I'm a stalker ...well he's not really my friend....yet."

"So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?"

"(NSFW) What is the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich. I Don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it."

"Never trust a mathematician with a graph. They're always plotting something."