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Joke of the Day

"Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."

"BOSS: I'm sorry I just don't trust your judgment. ME: [trying to pick up glass of water with both fists wedged in Pringles tubes] explain.."

"You have the body of a god... ...too bad its a Buddha"

"Back in the day... ...cars were made in Flint and you couldn't drink the water in Mexico..."

"Why do we still call them newspapers when most of them aren't on paper... and most of them don't contain news?"

"The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread."

"Why did the old man buy his wig at the thrift store? Because he didn't want toupee."

"How do you make a Bloody Nicole? Like a Bloody Mary, but with a stab of OJ..."

"What do Oranges and Apples have in common? They're both orange except for the Apple."

"An unemployed engineer gets lost while going to a job interview at the navy base Woops, wrong sub."