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Joke of the Day

"Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? ""Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"""

"The past 2 hours I spent at the mall would have been a lot more constructive if I looked for gifts instead of staring at mannequin nipples."

"Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?"

"A collection of OC jokes!"

"My mate lent me 5000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit. Cunt stole my limelight."

"I have invented a revolutionary drug that can cure third-world hunger... Just take one little pill with a meal 3x per day."

"Have you ever noticed that cigars and scotch taste the same? They both taste like my dad's approval."

"I was promised today would be a new day. This feels suspiciously like a used Wednesday."

"Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, ""Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"""

"An anti-joke about lawyers. Q: What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? A: We are both lawyers."