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Joke of the Day

"My mate lent me 5000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit. Cunt stole my limelight."

"I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped. He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back."

"an advice to every dad,if you wanna see your children just turn the router off,they will suddenly appear.btw ur neighbor might come as well."

"Q: Why couldn't Batman go fishing? A: Because Robin ate the worms."

"Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race? He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography"

"Calling someone average is mean but I think they are the mean"

"not a day goes by that i don't think about dying and then accidentally getting sent to squirrel heaven"

"Have you heard the new yoga joke? It's kind of a stretch..."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh Ten tickles"

"I felt a twinge of sadness when I released my daughter would be leaving for college in a year. I have to wait a whole fucking year"