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Joke of the Day

"""Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends."" - Cargo Pants"

"Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me. *Tambourine Man shakes tambourine for several minutes* Well that sucked."

"So you could say USA nuked Japan in the woman's world cup. Too soon?"

"What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner? Lettuce, pray."

"My son wants a bb gun for Christmas I told him I'l give it my best shot"

"There are only two types of people in this world... People who pee in the shower, and motherfucking liars."

"The N word. What do you call a bus full of niggers under the ocean with 1 empty seat ? A crying shame"

"[wife leaving for the weekend] ""Baby formula is in the cupbo--"" ""I think I know how to make a baby. Now go & enjoy your dad's funeral."""

"Girl: Why should I shave my downstairs? Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food."

"Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? Because they part for every little shit."