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Joke of the Day

"[wife leaving for the weekend] ""Baby formula is in the cupbo--"" ""I think I know how to make a baby. Now go & enjoy your dad's funeral."""

"Wish I had the unbridled enthusiasm of a freshly groomed dog heading straight for a mud puddle."

"It's no fun when someone you're ignoring ignores you back."

"Are you a geologist? You can analyse my rocks anytime ;)"

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung"

"What do you say when a corrupt Soviet takes a bathroom break right before war? Now you're just Stallin."

"America! Where we celebrate mediocrity! 15 year olds should not be praised for losing 50 pounds while still being 300 plus..."

"What do you call a gay caveman with a Viagra prescription? Homo erectus."

"Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale it read ""one at a time please"""

"What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game? At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded."