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Joke of the Day

"Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful."

"Vice Presidents and Homicide Detectives have a similar job... ...They both work if someone dies"

"As a Californian, the most frightening thing about the movie Psycho, is the thought of leaving the shower water running for that long."

"Looking for a good retractable leash. when I walk my turtle I hate when it gets to far ahead of me"

"A man balks in a war He is discharged for dereliction of duty and takes up drinking."

"I farted in a Apple Store Too bad they didn't have any *windows*."

"What is The Fonz's blood type? A"

"[Cop arresting a centipede] *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *opens crate of new handcuffs* *clink* *clink* *clin"

"Me: Can I dip my breadstick in your Alfredo sauce? Him: Usually it's me asking you that. 13YO: SHUT UP. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

"God I hate kids. And people. And animals. And sardines. And stuff that's alive. And stuff that's dead. I hate stuff. I like cheese."