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Joke of the Day

"I KEPT MY CAPS LOCK ON WHEN I SEARCHED RECIPES FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND NOW GORDON RAMSEY IS IN MY KITCHEN"

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? *wait for it* Because they grew out of their B-shells!"

"Today I quit smoking cold turkey Turns out hot turkey is much better for smoking."

"If God was a mathematician God: Homosexuality is a sin! Human: But why? God: Cos"

"BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker? RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn't know him. He goes to another Olympics. #LochteGate"

"A shark can sense a drop of blood from 3 miles away, and a mom can sense you're not getting enough to eat from 10,000."

"When you date someone you either end up breaking up with them or marrying them... ...And either way you end up unhappy."

"A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That's like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot."

"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. He looks at the bar tender and says ""Five drinks please."""

"What do you get when you cross a lima bean with a Soviet? A Lenintil..."