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Joke of the Day
"Why don't girls wear skirts in the winter? They get chapped lips"
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"""Welcome back, happy New Year!"" ""Thank you!"" ""Welcome!"" And that's the last time I'm taking Bollywood movie suggestions from my friends."
"What's black, white, and red all over? A dying nun."
"Why are giraffes so tall? Because cheetahs are faster."
"A husband says to his wife ""I bet you can't tell me something that will make men both happy and sad."" She says, ""You have the biggest penis out of all of your friends."""
"[scale says I've gained 5 pounds] Me: It's probably just what I'm wearing. Wife: You're naked. Me: Wife: Me: It's a heavy deodorant."
"What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool? Bob."
"You cannot run through a campground You can only ran, because it is past tents"
"The other day I sold someone a stale fish, next day he came to my store and said ""you selfish"" and left... now I am not sure if I should have replied ""yes"" or ""sorry""."
"HEAR YE, MORTALS. AWAKEN FROM THY SLUMBER. FUCKERY DOTH PLAGUE THE LAND. TIS MINE DUTY TO- *falls off barstool*"