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Joke of the Day

"""Welcome back, happy New Year!"" ""Thank you!"" ""Welcome!"" And that's the last time I'm taking Bollywood movie suggestions from my friends."

"What do men and Subway have in common? They both exaggerate the length."

"I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for beastiality... Then I realized I was just beating a dead horse."

"I saw an attractive woman spank her kid in McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground, so I also threw mine on the ground."

"Avoid confrontations in the work place by slashing your coworker's tires while they sleep."

"I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great"

"Condom bursts are like Hillary Clinton's e-mails. You can try to neclect it, but everybody knows it's yours."

"What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel."

"A blonde was attempting to swim across the English channel. But she got tired halfway, and swam back."

"Vaccinated kids will get this... Autism."