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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an alligator that wins a race? A chompion. (7-year old me thought he was very clever.)"

"Me flirting at a party me: so what's your major her: radiology me: oh cool AM or FM?"

"My husband is out w/friends & I'm at home w/the kids. I'm going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed."

"Back in the good old days when... Men were men... and boys were men. and women were men..."

"I want to steal someone's phone who has 8000 followers and retweet the fuck out of myself"

"So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust... I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party."

"Job interview: - Good morning - Good morning - Have you got a twitter account? - Yes - Ok, thanks for your time. We'll get back to you"

"Germany Vs Brazil Guess we can say it wasn't even klose."

"An old joke, regardless its still hilarious. A cheetah would never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Would."

"I'm learning how to play the neurotic guitar. It's a lot like an acoustic guitar but it's a little more high strung."