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Joke of the Day

"I'm learning how to play the neurotic guitar. It's a lot like an acoustic guitar but it's a little more high strung."

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"I want to go on the record by saying I love my family but if I have to spend any longer with them you'll be seeing me on the 6 o'clock news."
"So a cannibal passes a priest in the woods."
"""You're stepping on all the cracks, but you don't have to worry about it because your mother's dead"" - my seven-year-old to me this morning"
"changed my voice settings to Spanish on my gps it told me i didn't have enough people in the car"
"For 10 years I believed my best friend was a mute, but it turns out that someone has just drawn a boy in the corner of my glasses."
"Procrastination is like masturbation: it is fun and feels good but in the end you've only fucked yourself."
"What did the Shepard say when he saw the sheep? ""I herd that!"""
"Some guy said I was being pithy.... turns out he had a lisp."
"What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Waattaaah!"
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