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Joke of the Day

"Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops? Because they lactose."

"What language does robot Marco run on? Rubio on rails"

"I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD"

"Don't move, I know what I'm doing. *takes a nap"

"Did you hear Donald Trump wants to ban pre-shredded cheese? Apparently a bunch of immigrants work in the Kraft factory."

"I LOVE THE IDEA OF BOWSER LOVINGLY FOLDING A FLYING RACCOON SUIT AND PUTTING IT IN A TREASURE CHEST FOR ME TO FIND IN HIS DUNGEON."

"A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby"

"Finding a good date is like looking for a parking spot... all the good ones are taking and the rest are handicapped."

"What's the difference between my face and my jokes? People laugh at my face."

"Remember, if we get caught, you are deaf and I speak no English."