128704

Joke of the Day

"How do you tell if someone is ticklish? You give them a couple of test-tickles."

"Me: Check it out! I'm juggling! Wife: Me: Wife: You're supposed to use more than one ball. Me: Can't you just be happy for me?"

"[Calculus Joke] Why didn't the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach? Because secant tan"

"Now I know why they call it Whole Foods. It took a whole hour to spend my whole paycheck and they can kiss my whole ass."

"Where do lobsters buy their work clothes? Homardware."

"If you are dating a girl that doesn't like Star Wars... You are looking for love in Alderaan places."

"Taco Bell doesn't have a playground, because kids that eat Taco Bell can't climb, or run."

"People always ask me, where do I come up with my status', do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs."

"Not wearing condoms because the world needs more people like you."

"I saw a kidnapping this afternoon.. so i woke i'm up. Hahaha"