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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an effeminate Japanese man with radiation sickness, AIDS and hemorrhegic fever? Ebola Gay."

"Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job? Because he's always talking trash."

"I'm gonna start carrying breath mints around in an engagement ring box just to briefly make women really uncomfortable during conversation."

"Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat."

"Did you get that joke about the Titanic? It took a while to sink in."

"I learned a lot of Mandarin in just one semester! Though I could have sworn the syllabus said ""Calculus 2""."

"""I want you back in my arms..."" - me, drowsily, to the bag of blood hanging beside the donation bed"

"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph because they're not a full esay"

"911: What's your emergency? THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE 911: Barista? IT'S A GUY. BARISTO 911: No, it's still- Nm he's dead now"

"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"