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Joke of the Day

"Do you know the difference between curtain and toilet paper? -Do you know the difference between curtain and toilet paper? -No... -GUYS, HE DID IT!"

"What do Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common? Both want to be real boys"

"Dance like nobody's watching, sing like nobody's listening, Tweet like the NSA doesn't exist."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bjorn ! Bjorn who ? Bjorn with a silver spoon in his mouth !"

"*Orders pizza* What a night *Phone buzzes* And a text? Killing it *checks phone* ok that was the pizza confirmation but still cruising"

"Riding a big girl is like riding a moped... Its okay until someone sees you"

"What is the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield? Its ass"

"How do feminists screw in a lightbulb? By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them EDIT: Rip inbox EDIT 2: Thanks for the gold!"

"Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty? Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!"

"Trump's what you'd get if you poured a pot of glue, some glitter & a dog turd into your Build Your Own Hitler Kit and gave it a good shake."