128254

Joke of the Day

"Goals for my kids before I had them: teach them Spanish, only use positive reinforcement, never yell. After: get them to put on pants."

"Where did bob go during the explosion? ...everywhere......."

"[the beeping to remind me to put on my seatbelt finally gives up] *looks at driving test instructor* ""finally"""

"Knock Knock! ""Who's there?"" ""9/11."" ""9/11, who?..."" I thought you said you'd never forget!"

"Love means never having to say you're sorry for accidentally bringing home six more cats."

"How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep? She reads them pig tales."

"How can you tell if someone loves bacon? Don't worry, they'll tell you that stupid vegan joke."

"The energizer bunny was arrested yesterday. He was charged with battery."

"Why'd the kid drop his ice cream cone? Because he got hit by the bus."

"I secretly bought some new trousers without telling my girlfriend Do you think chinos?"