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Joke of the Day

"[the beeping to remind me to put on my seatbelt finally gives up] *looks at driving test instructor* ""finally"""

"My husband asked if I've heard of Justin Bieber. Then he hooked up the horse and plowed the back 40 because he's Amish, apparently."

"How many gay guys can you fit on a stool? 4 if you flip it upside down."

"Hansel: how are we gonna get home Gretel: we should leave some sort of trail Duck: [pitching voice] how about a trail of bread crumbs"

"I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them."

"What kind of operating system do horses use? None. Horses are not known to use operating systems nor computers for that matter."

"You should never trust a molecule They make up everything."

"You Suck Originally I had hope and dreams of becoming somebody but thanks to you and the society we live in it's never going to happen"

"Q: What did the fish say when it hit the wall? A: ""Dam."""

"The first guy to ever throw water at girl in a white shirt probably broke the record for the number of high-fives received in one minute."