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Joke of the Day

"The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie"

"If you play your cards right, I could be your 2nd and 4th husband."

"If hillary wins, trump supporters can at least take solice in 1 fact. Bill clinton is going to be the first lady."

"I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids... ...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was cock-eyed."

"Your momma's so fat That when she goes to church people say: Holy Cow!"

"My brother started making terrible bird puns to annoy me... But toucan play at that game"

"Me: I want to kiss you everywhere! Her: You mean New York, Paris & London? Me: Um, ya that's what I meant."

"I'm so torn on circumcision. I mean, you're either foreskin or against it."

"My wife did 70 chores around the house Cooking and 69."

"ME: *opens car door for date like a gentleman* DATE: *running and out of breath* PLEASE STOP THE CAR"