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Joke of the Day

"I imagine some people are like...: 'should I take the shower?...no...I'm taking the train today...'"

"maybe ancient civilizations wouldn't have died out if they'd built regular buildings instead of these dumb ruins"

"""I drive like lightening."" ""You drive fast?"" ""No. I hit trees."""

"What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A Ducktor."

"someone just asked ""how do u delete yo life"" U CHEW ON A GRENADE WIT THE PIN OUT"

"Your cough turns me on ""That's sick."""

"If you keep your child on a leash in public, I will not hesitate to ask ""Does he bite?"""

"A mushroom walks into a bar... And the bartender says ""We don't serve your kind here"". So the mushroom says ""Why? I'm a fun guy""."

"Pilots sure do like dick holes... Sorry, im just testing out my new thesaurus"

"Him: Let's get you out of that dress. Me: Be careful Him: Why? Me: If you tug at my Spanx hard enough, I'll pop open like a can of biscuits."