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Joke of the Day

"I got a haircut recently I didn't like it at first, but now it's growing on me."

"The worst time of day is when people start coming in the office. They are all cheerful and shit. Settle down jerks, it's work not an orgy."

"My girlfriend once used Vaseline when she gave me a handjob . . I came four or five times trying to wash it off."

"What does my physics professor have in common with Gandalf? YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

"A couple in therapy The wife: ""I'm just tired of him getting sayings wrong."" The therapist: ""Do you really do that?"" The husband: ""Oh, cry me a table!"""

"I got called ""vein"" and I'm just like, k not the most vital component of the circulatory system but still essential so thank you"

"What did the child with no hands get for his birthday? Nobody knows yet."

"What is the car company, Kia's, main competitor? Nokia"

"my boss is asking how I'm feeling today how do I explain that I've done about 20 grams of animal tranquilizer within 5 days"

"I started a company.. ...with my wife. Then my sister in law joined us, now it's a crowd."