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Joke of the Day

"HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH TO RUIN IT WITH SEX. SURE, YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE, THEY JUST DON'T SEE YOU IN THAT WAY"

"When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper ""You did this."""

"Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress."

"I don't always tell Harambe jokes but I'll take a shot at it."

"I wonder if this whole Ebola thing is going to go viral Thoughts?"

"I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo."

"Robber: If you ever want to see your family again do exactly as I say. Now hand me that bag! Me: *sets bag on fire*"

"Harry Potter's favorite band Just read the new Harry Potter story on Pottermore and learned one interesting factoid. His favorite band is Wand Erection."

"Kylo Ren/Ben Solo got a head start with completing his comic book collection he's already got all the daddy issues"

"Ya man, it is weird that your wife started wearing the same cologne I wear."