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Joke of the Day

"Reenacting the Civil War seems like a lot of work. I'd much rather reenact the Cola War from my couch. First is the battle of Whiskey."

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? Bare Grylls"

"Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service."

"It's sad that some of you need to berate others to feel better about yourselves. Idiots."

"""Whats your biggest weakness?"" ""I'm bad at taking compliments"" ""Actually that's quite endearing"" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*"

"Mom: Hey honey who are you talking too? Me: My girlfriend. Mom: Don't lie to me you fatass! You're ordering pizza aren't you? Me: ( ._. )"

"Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I'd say I'm about 74% Rice Krispies."

"Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ? because he didn't know Mandarin"

"Warning, you'll only get this if you understand a rudimentary amount of ancient Greek. When an ancient Athenian was asked whether he preferred the sand or the sea, he replied: Tha latta"

"France vs Germany was a close game... it ended in a shootout."