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Joke of the Day

"POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR! What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station staring at a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]"

"Where do geographers go for a drink? The Isobar"

"Plays tetris. Gets a circle."

"A black man and an apple fall from a tree at the same time. What hits the ground first? The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose."

"""We are the 1%!"" - People on MySpace"

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They take things literally."

"GF: ""you're so childish"" me: ""it's my day too linda"" [we sit in silence] wedding planner: ""so is that a yes or a no on the bouncy castle?"""

"""Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?"" Wife: ""Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?"" ""...Yes"" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*"

"I gave my car some heroine and now it's a plane. Too bad it will eventually crash."

"Forty minutes before we get to the first sex scene in Fifty Shades Of Grey? They do beat around the bush..."