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Joke of the Day

"Flight attendant:""Would you like the chicken or the pasta?"" Me:""What would you suggest?"" Flight Attendant:""Eat before you get on the plane."""

"Why do women make bad engineers? Their whole lives they have been told 5 inches is 8"

"Can't Sleep Whenever my son can't sleep I tell him to count backwards from 100 to 0. He usually gets to about 80 before I pass out and can't hear anymore. Works every time."

"Do you know why I have airplane-mode turned on on my phone all the time? 'Cause I'm so fly"

"Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? one is plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with, the other holds your groceries"

"Terrible music pun If a person were to have sex with Andrew Stockdale, would that make them a wolf, motherfucker?"

"Damn girl are you a slide in the ghetto? Because I seriously regret going down on you."

"Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly."

"What type of weed do lizards smoke? Mariguana."

"What did Tommy Wiseau say when he got an A on his final? Oh, hi Marks!"