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Joke of the Day

"emo vs obama emo has a gun and obama has a ball to wow the crowd with but the ball has a spike on it"

"HERE'S A KID WITH NO ARMS AND NO LEGS AND HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU'LL DIE SOON TOO, BUY THINGS. - Super Bowl Commercials in a nut shell"

"Finished my 2nd glass of wine. Husband doesn't know it yet but he has a 30 second window of getting laid before I pass ou"

"I have a dog with no legs. His name is Cigarette because I have to take him out for a drag."

"My uncle came out of the closet yesterday. He's not gay. He has Alzheimer's and thought it was the car."

"Let's make this house party... a *home* party."

"Yelp is a fun game where you try to guess between whether a restaurant is bad or a reviewer is crazy."

"Hospitals don't like it when you unplug things to charge your phone w/ out asking first"

"I went to my first Muslim birthday party yesterday Most of the party games were normal, but fuck me pass the parcel was scary."

"phones are so much more than just phones nowadays, like they can also be napkins, or paper towels, or tiny depression machines, or napkins"