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Joke of the Day

"If I ever see my wife asleep with her mouth wide open, I seize the opportunity. First I unzip my pants, then I pull out my penis... And then I have sex with her sister."

"The fact that twitter is at it's busiest during working hours probably tells you all you need to know about the worlds economic problems"

"I am just a boy, standing in front of a milkshake, wondering by what sorcery it beckoned me to this yard"

"My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore."

"I've recently developed a severe phobia of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them."

"Did you hear about those two gay cannibals? I hear they're having a ball."

"What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!"

"Roommates Roommate 1: ""You think I'm nosy, don't you?!"" Roommate 2: ""No, not at all!"" Roommate 1: ""Then why'd you write that in your diary?!"""

"What's worse than having 10 dead babies stapled to one tree? 1 dead baby stapled to 10 trees."

"In these tough times, you can pop in the Titanic DVD to watch rich people die painfully, their money powerless against the fury of nature"