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Joke of the Day

"I lose a lot of arguments just so I can go back to my nap."

"Does anyone have a recipe for sausage and apples? I asked my girlfriend what she wanted tonight and she said she could use a wiener in cider."

"Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing"

"My wife is such an air-head I told her not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other."

"What is the difference between a hormone and a enzyme ? You can't hear an enzyme."

"Son: Daddy, what's it like to have the most awesome son in the world ? Father: I don't know, ask your grandfather."

"What did the banana say to the orange? Fruit can't talk"

"What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus? Jesus doesn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over *his* body."

"A man goes to a library and asks if they have a book on suicide The librarian says ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

"I feel that jokes about basements are beneath me... ...but I won't tell you a joke about roofs because it'll go over your head."