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Joke of the Day

"Me: My dog ran away two days ago Dog pound: Does he have a tag? Me [covers phone to ask wife]: Is the dog on Instagram?"

"Jokes that Eddie Murphy could have done on SNL40. Here is mine. I did comedy for the fame, money and sex with white women. The 80's was so long ago. Good night folks."

"How do you confuse a retard? Say ""purple""."

"Planning a murder/suicide is kind of pessimistic, what if the murder part cheers you up?"

"What did the mouth say to the nose? Nothing; mouths can't ta... oh, wait..."

"Nothing better than hearing that a couple who comments on each other's Facebook statuses broke up."

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Jewish women will leap at anything 15% off."

"Let's find out what pisses the crickets off and do THAT during the day"

"Go to the attic. Use either the stairs or some second method. Do you choose the former or the ladder?"

"I'm not crying Those damn ninjas are cutting onions again"