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Joke of the Day

"Go to the attic. Use either the stairs or some second method. Do you choose the former or the ladder?"

"Today I've smoked 2 packs of cigs, eaten only deep-fried foods & took the seatbelts out of my truck. Free healthcare is going to be awesome."

"2010 prediction: Tiger Woods will leave golf entirely and begin a career in politics, where sex scandals are more widely accepted."

"A man, his wife, his kid, and his dog all walk into a bar. *Ouch!* *Ouch!* *Ouch!* *Woof!*"

"What do you call a dog wearing headphones? Ear bud"

"Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says ""Do you know how to drive this?"""

"Me: Are these your kids? Boss: ""Yep"" They're gorgeous! ""Thanks"" Step kids? ""Nope"" Adopted? ""No.."" .. "".."" She's cheating on you.. ""Get out"""

"I'm not sure where Heisenberg is... But I know he's not with Pauli."

"I like to sit and stare at the Chinese take out menu for an hour and then order the exact same thing I did the last 20 times."

"A man goes to the zoo and the only animal in the zoo is a dog. It was a shih tzu."