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Joke of the Day

"I think my virginity is growing back."

"[aquarium exit] Excuse me ma'am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*"

"Fall? More like fail [watches as the leaf from a tree gracefully falls to the ground in the beautiful cycle that is nature] loser tree lol"

"So Cheech Marin plays golf now, which is appropriate Because what's more Mexican than sweating balls on a freshly-mowed lawn with a bag full of weapons?"

"There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don't."

"What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple"

"I was a virgin by choice until I was 25. Not my choice, mind you."

"What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground? A fruit by the foot"

"The ultimate chicken crossing the road joke So why did the chicken cross the road? Because your momma's so fat and she seems to like chicken."

"There was a black-out in my city last night. The police said stay in doors until they shot him."