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Joke of the Day

"My wife & I play this sexy game where she dresses up like a schoolgirl, then I dress up like a schoolgirl then we sit down & learn fractions"

"What's the difference between a beggar and a US Politician? A beggar has retained his integrity."

"Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car."

"is your name melissa? ""yes"" are you married? ""to you sadly"" yes or no please ""yes"" do you like the lie detector I bought for your birthday?"

"I Hate When Old People Poke You at a wedding and say ""you are Next"". So next time i was at a funeral I poked them and said ""You are Next""."

"Testing /u/trollabot no comments"

"have u ever tried to break a crush by looking at their Facebook like PLEASE post abt Mumford & sons or smth so I can be free from this curse"

"Why couldn't the leopard play Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? A: Because he was always spotted."

"What did the plant say to the vegan? Leaf me alone."

"Just choked on a apple... Bet a brownie wouldn't have done that.."