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Joke of the Day

"[NSFW] Useless things Q: What are the most useless items ever invented? A: Condoms. If you need one, she's too old."

"My friend told this great lumberjack joke the other day. But no one was around to hear it..."

"What is the difference between a cop and a box of chocolates? Nothing. They'll both kill your dog."

"(Waiter) ""What can I get you sir?"" (Gastronomist) ""Something with a simpler plot."""

"Why can you trust a musician? Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss."

"My favorite part of a date is the sweet, seedy flesh. Wait, sorry, that's my favorite part of a fig, I always get figs and dates mixed up."

"My wife tried to lecture me about ""mansplaining""... ...but, as usual, she had it all wrong."

"I decided to treat my girlfriend, but she ended up dying... Apparently ""cancer"" is best left to ""medical professionals"""

"Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash."

"What do you call a gay vegetarian? A vegetarian."