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Joke of the Day

"Yo momma so homely... Elrond dwells there!"

"The SS officer went blind... when he did NOT-SEE things."

"I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants."

"What did Hermoine say when she found out she's pregnant? Fetus Abortus!"

"I'm writing a book about how people can free themselves from taking pictures of themselves. It's a selfie-help book."

"is anyone.. is anyone else excited for the season finale of America on Tuesday?"

"I can turn a case of beer into a drunk man. Your move, Jesus."

"Do you know there is a serial number printed on every condom? I guess you haven't rolled it down far enough."

"If by ticklish, you mean I'll turn into a rabid chihuahua on bath salts if you come near my underarm, then yes I'm a little ticklish."

"Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they've only known her a couple of minutes."