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Joke of the Day

"Talking dirty ""I've been a very bad girl,"" she said, biting her lip. ""I need to be punished."" ""Very well,"" he replied and installed Windows 10 on her laptop."

"I just realized something about how I browse Reddit"

"[Dirty] How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave? I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection."

"How do you steal a coat? You jacket."

"Coworker: Do you party? Me: Well I do schedule two nights a month that I stay up past 11pm. So yeah."

"Cows What do you call a cow on no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow on three legs? Tri-Tip. What do you call a cow on two legs? Your mom."

"If I own a gym my employees will be required to intermittently pester you. If you don't like it don't come to Jehovah's Fitness."

"Can someone tell old people about call waiting, turn signals, and debit/check cards?"

"I hate it when people ask me where I'll be in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision."

"What is with 2016? It's like everyone and their mothers are dying. ^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry"