197555

Joke of the Day

"Cows What do you call a cow on no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow on three legs? Tri-Tip. What do you call a cow on two legs? Your mom."

"Can anyone help me. I don't know where to park my boat and all the other captains are making fun of me. im under alot of pier pressure!"

"OK, if you get to refer to your favorite football team as ""we,"" then I definitely get to refer to the cast of Friends as ""we."""

"No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date."

"So I bought shoes from a drug dealer today... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!"

"Why didn't Napoleon get his wish? Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte."

"A guy is out to dinner with his wife... Wife: See that drunk guy at the bar? Guy: Yeah, what about him? Wife: He proposed to me 10 years ago, but I turned him down. Guy: Wow! He's STILL celebrating!"

"We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land."

"some girls give each other the emptiest compliments I've ever heard ""aww babe ur just omg like I can't"" wtf did you just say??"

"My eleven year old brother: ""I have Asperger's Syndrome..."" ""...want a burger?"""