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Joke of the Day

"Do men prefer straight or curly hair? Need to know so I can tell my roommate the opposite and then try to steal her boyfriend."

"Her: Why's the couch smell like pee? [Flashback to me watching The Ring alone] Me: *points at son* I think someone had another ""accident."""

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.... Buh-dum-sch."

"What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do? ...Stays up all night pondering the existence of a dog"

"How do you get a nun pregnant ? Fuck her."

"My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all of her musical instruments."

"A nsfw joke :) what was ass to mouth called in the middle ages? turn the other cheek. (still. its funny :)"

"Why was the sterile Grizzly upset? Because he couldn't Bear children."

"""If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?"" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs."

"What did the survivor of cranial sodomy say to the police after the incident? ""At night when I close my eyes I can still hear them coming..."""