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Joke of the Day

"How to tell if an orange likes to party Just Invitamin-C."

"My shower has two settings: -Freezing Cold -The Ending of Terminator 2"

"A man walks in to a library and asks for a book on Amnesia. The librarian replies, ""fuck off, you'll forget to bring it back"" To which the man replies, ""bring what back?"""

"How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"I truly believe that there are some people who listen to you when you talk and there's other people who just wait for it to be their turn."

"You don't need to write ""imo"". Nobody is confusing your tweets with Nietzsche."

"Macaroni Grill closed four locations here. I suspect the tendency of macaroni to fall through the grill had a lot to do with it."

"I RT a bunch of awesome stuff. nnBecause its funny. And I needed to hide my tweets from last night."

"""I've never flown before said the nervous old lady to the pilot. ""You will bring me down safely won't you? ""All I can say ma'am"" said the pilot ""is that I've never left anyone up there yet!"""

"My friend asked me if I had a blast on my birthday. I told him I had such a blast, ISIS would have been proud!"