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Joke of the Day

"HILLARY: i'm sick and tired of these baseless accusations THE MEDIA: aha! you see?! she admits it! not only is she sick, she's also tired!"

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"How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar? They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years."
"*Slides down your chimney* *Straightens all your pictures*"
"What do you call an excited rectangle? An erectangle."
"I've had Thanksgiving dinner four times and I'm kind of getting addicted. I'm quitting this cold turkey."
"Just a reminder: Don't forget to check under your bed for Carrot Top every night!"
"What do the films 'Titanic' and 'The Sixth Sense' have in common? Icy dead people."
"What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roman Catholic. (Sorry if this is a repost)"
"People always talk about starting families... But no one ever talks about finishing what they started."
"Why does Waldo wear stripes? He didn't want to get spotted."
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