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Joke of the Day

"Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password? Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily] THIS IS A FUNERAL Me: *[Types in] THIS IS A FUNERAL"

"I just heard ""on avarage, there are 7 people in the world that look similar to you"" omg bless you all, I hope you're all okay, I'm so sorry"

"How much for the sentient racist skeleton? ""Sir, that's Ann Coulter..."""

"What do I have in common with neutrinos ? We're both constantly penetrating your mom"

"Why do native Americans hate the snow? Because it's white, and it's on their land."

"[Wife finds me crying on kitchen floor] Me: I fell & spilled honey on myself. Wife: Me: Will you ki Wife: I'm not kissing your Honey Boo Boo"

"What did they find in the toilet of the Starship Enterprise? The Captain's Log."

"One time I fell asleep on a pile of change. When I woke up, my face looked like Mount Rushmore. (This isn't so much a joke as just something that happened.)"

"'Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the mall There were multiple reports of trampling injuries."

"Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them."