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Joke of the Day

"I really need someone to follow me around Target to say ""No. No. Put that back. You don't need that. You already have 4 of those at home."""

"Porn has lied to me. The repairman doesn't show up instantly after I call."

"The Brazil v Germany game last night... ...the most embarrassing semi since I watched Brokeback Mountain with the wife."

"What's the best thing about Sweden? I can't pick, but their flag is a huge plus."

"Of course I can keep a secret, It's the people I tell it to that can't."

"I have a knock-knock joke for you... but you have to start it."

"Is your penis Ant-man? Because whenever it's time to impress, it shrinks."

"A sniper looks over a large crowd of people from his hidden perch. Over his earpiece, he is told to fire at will. He carefully spots his target, and shoots. ""Crap, that wasn't Will."""

"Why does repost always get to the top?... Most people reddit before"

"The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home."