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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a porno with conjoined twins? 2 girls 1 muff"

"You can't spell ""Schwarzenegger"" without ""google."""

"""Well guys, I gotta get going."" -Why? ""My wife hits me if I don't wash the dishes."" -And you *let* her hit you? ""OF COURSE NOT!!! I always wash them."""

"I'm donating my body to science. I'm getting sick of it taking up space in the freezer."

"I am a staunch traditionalist. I believe that texts should only be sent from phones. Soon ppl will text from kitchen device. makes me sick"

"I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me."

"Lindt chocolate... .....is to die for."

"You say ""potato"", I say ""This isn't working. I think we are unhealthy together and you scare the shit out of me. Keep the cat. He hates me."""

"I'm testing my theory that I can get away with putting a 0 or N/A in a work report that requires answers when I don't know the answers."

"If I drank as little alcohol as I tell my doctor I'd weigh as little as I tell the people at the DMV when I renew my driver's license."