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Joke of the Day

"one of the last times I got really mad was in a parking lot when a single clown got out of an enormous van"

"The doctor gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him. Judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved."

"Me: I love you Wife: I will testify against you if required"

"People always tell me to act my age so I bought expensive cheese."

"What did Mike Meyers say to Eddie Murphy after Eddie bought him a brand new Mercedes? ""DANKE!"""

"Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy, but here' say number. Call me maybe. Okay, hello Maybe. I'll leave now."

"[nsfw] What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese."

"I want a flatscreen so big that I can't tell where TV begins and real life ends."

"Idea for getting laid: Have a friend on the east coast write down Jeopardy answers, then invite your flame over and blow their mind."

"Did you hear about the NASCAR driver who went the wrong way around the track? It turned out to be all right."