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Joke of the Day

"[nsfw] What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter-pounder with cheese."

"A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. ""That won't help you, Joe, you know?"" ""Oh it helps a lot,"" says the man, ""it's the only way I can see the numbers!"""

"What is the only law that Hillary obeys? The law of gravity"

"A 747 just landed at Heathrow Airport in London. After the captain shutdown the engines you could still hear the whining."

"Nothing makes me more proud of my son's sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework."

"How do you know a moth is gay? Its balls are deep in the closet."

"I usually hate having long hair But I think it's growing on me."

"I have the heart of a lion... and a lifelong ban from the zoo."

"Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her Bartender: Oh yeah? Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th ::rushes home::"

"When I was asked what my five year plan is I responded... I couldn't tell you, I only have 2020 vision. pm me if you want my address to come murder me in my sleep for this."