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Joke of the Day

"Thank god 4 the guy at the bar yelling ""YOU GOTTA CATCH THAT!!!"" when a receiver drops the ball. Had no idea he was supposed to catch it."

"Oral sex caused Michael Douglas's throat cancer; Surgeon General orders that vaginas be tattooed with cancer warning."

"I walked into the bar and asked for something cold and full of rum. The bartender yelled to the back, ""Dear, there's someone here to see you."""

"Toucan: Albanians kidnap Liam Neesons bird"

"My friends most commonly describe me as ""who?"""

"wife: its ruining date night me: its ruining date night because you're letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: just drop me off on the corner"

"Rude coworker said something very dumb & mean to me. She blamed it on pregnancy brain. I asked her if she was having triplets."

"My husband wants me to stop working on my flamingo impression. I had to put my foot down."

"My dog is great at math. Really ? Ask him how much is two minus two. But two minus two is nothing! That's what he'll answer nothing!"

"What do gym junkies and Nicki Minaj have in common? They both inject a lot of cash into their ass."