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Joke of the Day

"So my close friends kid wanted to be Batman. So a murdered his parents after giving them tickets to the opera. He doesn't seem so keen now."

"One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers."

"My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950."

"When life tosses me a football, I'm the ref who's not looking and everyone laughs when I get booped in the face"

"So this bloke said to me... He said "" I once got my dog to bring back a stick thrown 100 miles away"". I said ""that's a bit far-fetched"""

"Say what you want about the Aztecs.... ... but they have alot of heart. (i'm not funny)"

"How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!"

"What do a hot girl and my little toe have in common? I bang them both on my coffee table at night."

"I want to surprise my boyfriend by sending him a sexy pic while he's at work, but I can't decide what outfit to put on the cat."

"Wife walks up to husband and asks for money Wife: I need some money to buy a bra Husband: do you think you have breasts big enough to buy a bra? Wife: when you bought boxers, did I say anything?"