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Joke of the Day

"I thought about getting silk sheets to seem sexy, but then I realized nobody would be turned on by me falling out of bed 6 times a night."

"How do dentists like their eggs? Poached."

"If there's one good thing about the election of Trump, it's the greatly lowered odds of being attacked by Russia. After all, they're not going to key their own car."

"Lions sleep 18 hrs a day.. If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!"

"I think I speak for Earth when I say that I'm ready for Justin Bieber to turn to hard drugs and squander his wealth, eventually losing fame."

"What did Missy Elliot say to Tony Abbot? Is it worth it?"

"How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to change the light bulb, and the other to hold the peni-- I MEAN LADDER"

"lady at table behind me: sometimes babies get gassy. they can't burp so they get mad and cry me, turning around angrily: its not JUST babies"

"What's the difference between In-n-Out Burger french fries and League of Legends? I can control my salt intake at In-n-out."

"""Hey, boo"" - a casual ghost"