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Joke of the Day

"First date - I'll have an ice water and a lettuce wedge Tenth date - I'll have a large pizza, extra cheese. What do you want, honey?"

"What was tina turners pet name for Ike? Beats me"

"I fell on my arm and had to have an operation on my funny bone. I was in stitches for two weeks."

"-Houston, do you copy? -Houston, do you copy? -God damn it, Houston! -God damn it, Houston!"

"Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life. Push and pull"

"Why doesn't Bono like Google? He still hasn't found what he's looking for."

"Did you hear about the girl with the boobs on her back? She was hell to look at but nice to dance with."

"I'm perfectly fine with kissing frogs to find a prince...But I draw the line at kissing snakes."

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Subway is healthy."

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. . A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday..."